I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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