Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize