youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
