my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
