Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
