I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
