Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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