dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
