On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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