For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
