No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize