the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
