and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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