so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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