I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
