Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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