So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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