Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
