Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I could make wine with my vomit
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
