I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
