she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
