Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
