If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
