I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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