it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
