I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize