Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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