Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
