phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
