What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
