her facebook's as public as her vagina
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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