haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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