I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
