You just made me feel so damn special
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
