now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
