So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
