I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
