Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
