sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize