please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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