Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
