I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
