you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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