just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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