she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
