Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
