yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
