my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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