that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It was confusing and full of hummus
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize