Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
