Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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