i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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