Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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