onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
