he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
