somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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