you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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