I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
