Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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