there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
