you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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