You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize