Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
