I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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