i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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