wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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