My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
