He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
