who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
