Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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