OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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