don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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